Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Beautiful Girl

I just received this from a Mercy graduate in the UK...too good not to share!!!!!!

Only eighteen months ago, I was a mess – suicidal, self-harming and in despair, which makes it an utter miracle that I can write this now as someone who loves life and the person God created me to be. Brought up in a Christian home, I knew God in a personal way from the age of six, but circumstances soon made me doubt whether He loved me and whether there was even a purpose to my life. I was sexually abused for more than a decade from an early age and on top of this, physical and verbal abuse occurred for the majority of my childhood. I felt like I deserved this and soon felt worthless and dirty, covered in shame and guilt. School became a place of pain as I was bullied frequently, which only served to enhance the lies I believed about myself, life and God.

Not wanting to share what was happening in my life, I battled with depression, borderline personality disorder and social phobia whilst trying to mask just how broken I was. I lived from the pain of life rather than the truth of God's Word and was desperately miserable. Feeling so low, I began to punish myself by cutting, restricting my food intake, attempting to make myself sick and eventually trying to take my own life on a number of occasions. That was when I found out about Mercy Ministries and I knew I needed to apply because death was the only other option.

I entered Mercy Ministries UK in September '07 and graduated last March, ready to live my life again. While I was at Mercy, I found, in a deeper way, a God who never stopped loving me and who was walking beside me at every moment even when I felt so alone. I found purpose to my life and a reason to keep going – to speak freedom into the lives of those who are still bound and to glorify the God who has set me free. I now see myself in the light of my future and the beauty that God has instilled in me. I can walk with my head held high because I'm righteous and not shamed by the abuse of my past. Now I'm studying at the Abundant Life Leadership Academy in Bradford, England and I'll be going on to pursue a degree in Creative Writing from September. Life has never been so exciting!

Writing has always been a way that I've found I'm able to express myself and it was a vital part of my healing as I freed myself of my past and then wrote truth over my life. The poem below came about in a really difficult time at Mercy, whilst I was confronting the lies I'd believed about myself and the pain that I had encountered. I really believe God wrote through my own hand what He wanted me to know and the truth He wanted me to believe. God really is no respecter of persons and these words are for each of you who have known pain. They are God's words for you!

Joy x


Beautiful girl,
Oh how I weep at the tears you cry,
For I never wanted you to be hurt,
And I long for your pain to disappear.
Trust me, my darling,
As there will be a day when all the hurt ceases,
When the darkness will be seen in the light of your beautiful future;
And that’s what it is –
Gloriously fruitful,
And you will be blessed.
Let me hold you, my precious child,
As then I can lavish my untainted love on you –
Pure adoration poured on my baby girl.
I’ve always been walking with you,
And never will I leave your side,
For you are too precious to me.
Every moment, I rejoice over the marvellous work I have made in you,
And tender compassion fills my heart,
Reaching out to my broken daughter.
As the clouds gather overhead,
With torment surrounding you on every side,
It is then that you must grasp my everlasting hand,
For no circumstance could snatch you from me.
Despair doesn’t have to be yours,
As greater things exist –
Serenity and joy are there for you,
Secure in the awesome destiny I mapped out before you were even conceived.
Rest in me, my beloved,
Release your cares to me,
And I will carry you onwards.
My princess, I love you,
And never would I have inflicted those awful things on you,
As you are more precious than words can say,
Though my blood can eloquently describe my adoration for you.
Daddy was there when you felt so alone,
Sobbing over your hurt,
Praying my little girl would run into my arms.
I just want to hold you,
To tell you that it was going to be okay,
As my purpose is greater than the pain,
And to sing my lullaby of love over someone so dear to me.
Desperately, I want you to see that, in my eyes, you have always been the same –
My beautiful, prized possession.
Righteousness is still yours as shame rises up within you,
And you are still accepted in the Son as self-rejection threatens to take control.
You are whole in me,
With all brokenness being restored.
Perfection dwells in you,
And ceaselessly cries out on your behalf,
That you may live out your awesome royal position,
And see yourself in the splendour with which you are clothed.
Your past will be as treasure to my glory,
Made beautiful by my hand,
Raised up from the ashes that surround you.
Your painful past will be nothing but a testimony of grace,
As my melody of healing resounds throughout your days.
Your hurt will be transformed into hope,
Yet you must let me love you,
Let me wipe away your tears,
So I may tend to your broken heart.
My gentle kisses from heaven will be planted on your cheeks,
Shrouding you in mercy,
Drawing you into Daddy’s heart.
Crawling out of the chrysalis of everything past,
You’re breaking free,
And together we’ll soar into glory.


Ali Davis said...

wow. joy's story is amazing, and similar to my own. if she found freedom, so can i! the poem she wrote made me cry. it's beautiful...

Ruthie said...

Just beautiful...

irene m said...

I found this poem on my friends blog and it is so amazing and fits in with what I am writing in my own blog..and I have quoted a couple of the lines that speak truth...
Words written like this have such a powerful impact on our lives...may you continue to share with us all.