Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Broken Engagement

A Broken Engagement

I thought it might be interesting to you if I share my best Christmas memory, as well as my worst Christmas memory. I’m going to start by telling you my worst Christmas memory, and I hope you will check back in tomorrow so you can read about my best Christmas memory. You definitely don’t want to miss my best, because it’s truly an amazing story.

Okay, let’s get the worst Christmas memory out of the way…

It’s been a little over 10 years ago now that I was very busy planning for what I had no doubt would be my best Christmas ever. Not only was I engaged to be married, but I was going to have the opportunity to spend the entire Christmas holiday with my fiancé. We were not only excited about spending Christmas together, but we were also excited about finalizing plans for our upcoming wedding in the spring. Little did I know that my preconceived idea about what that Christmas was going to be like was way off target. Let me explain…

First of all, I had no doubt in my mind that this was a match made in heaven. Wayne and I were introduced by my pastor, who was very close to both of us. We quickly connected. We were both committed Christians who wanted to put God first in our lives, but we also loved to give to other people. We both loved sports, and he even liked my dog and let him ride in his lap when he was driving the car. I didn’t think it could get any better than that. We had so much in common, and we laughed and joked and could talk for hours on end. It was such an exciting time in my life.

I won’t go into all the details because it would be way too long, but I do want to lay out enough of them so you will understand how painful that Christmas turned out to be. We spent time at my parents’ house first with my siblings and nieces and nephews. All was going smooth. Then we made a road trip to see my brother in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was during this time that things began to change. I began to see a side of this man that I had never seen before. He became very short, had lots of mood swings, and was extremely irritable. We finally went out so that we could talk alone, and it was then that he confessed to me that he was addicted to prescription drugs. Being a pharmaceutical sales representative for a major company, it was not hard for him to supply his need or to feed his problem. Because of his job, he faced with constant temptation, and he confessed that he finally succumbed to it. My mind began to reason about how this really wasn’t so bad, because he could get help and everything would be okay. But in the moments to come, he proceeded to tell me that he was more interested in keeping his drug habit than he was in getting help. So there I was, faced with a major dilemma. I run a ministry that helps addicts, and I found out that I am engaged to one. I believe strongly in unconditional love and have no problem with sticking with someone while they get help. However, I did have a major problem when the man that I thought I knew so well proceeded to tell me that he didn’t want help. I knew that I had no choice and that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I remember on Christmas Day, we both shed many tears and also exchanged strong words. I won’t go any farther than that, but that was definitely the worst Christmas memory I have ever had.

Before you start feeling sorry for me, I want you to know that even though it was a very painful thing to go through, I eventually became very grateful to God that He allowed me to find this out before the wedding instead of after the wedding. I have dated a number of guys since then, but have not yet found the right guy for me. I still have hope that it will happen, but in the meantime I have made up my mind that I will enjoy my life to the fullest. For those of you who are reading this - wherever you are in your life and whatever you are going through, I hope that you too will make the choice to serve God and live your life to the fullest.

Would you mind taking a moment to write briefly in the comment section about one of your Christmas memories? Perhaps in sharing, you can help someone else.
Be sure to check back tomorrow for my best Christmas memory. Like I said before, you won’t want to miss this one!

Nancy

6 comments:

gabi dickinson said...

He is so mind-blowingly faithful.

hk said...

I'll share my worst one too. My dad is a pastor (since 2000) who has struggled with starting up a church, plus all our family chaos didnt help. He planned to leave his ministry & leave our family in 2006. That Xmas, he wouldnt get out of bed cuz of his depression, he yelled at us, my parents yelled at each other, my sister screamed in her room, and i cried on my 3-hour jog. My cousin unexpectedly invited us over for dinner, so we went, each of us with a fake happy smile, and my dad talking about God.

That was my worst xmas, BUT things are lots better today. Not perfect of course (no family is) but we've made improvements. My dad found a new church to pastor (which is why he didnt leave us), my parents are starting to hangout more, we watch movies as a family & we've got each other's xmas gifts wrapped under the tree. I have a better feeling about this xmas =]

Heather Johnson said...

Growing up I was a very blessed little girl even though we did not have much I had a family that loved me. I never knew we lacked because Christmas was about Jesus's Birthday. We would get up and before opening presents we would sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. As I grew up there was a family friend who abused me and because of shame and fear and the need to protect my family I never told a single soul. When I went away to college all the pain I surpressed came out in self destruction. I spent six years in so much pain that I begged God to take my life or I would do it. I remember never being able to sleep and this saying went through my mind constantly "As I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul He'll keep. If I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul He'll take. BANG BANG I'M DEAD FIFTY BULLETS IN MY HEAD" What a horrible way to live. Even death did not promise a way out of the deep pain I felt. But praise God this will be my second Christmas I am celebrating free from the heavy burden I carried all those years and extreme pain. It is true, who the Son I hope to the hopeless. Lets remember the true reason for this season-Our Lord Jesus! I am so grateful for God in my life.

Heather Johnson said...

There was a typo in my comment-It is suppose to say Who the Son sets free is free indeed! And that Jesus gives hope to the hopeless.

Girl of Mercy 91' said...

My best christmas was back in 2004, my first christmas back with my mom that I had been away from for 10yrs over certain issues. I could really tell how grateful and happy she was that I was back in her life. God has done amazing things in our relationship these past 4 yrs. I did not only come back myself but with my husband and did not know it at the time but I was also pregnant... It blesses me to see her with my daughter Charity cause it is a healing and comfort for me to see my daughter have what I didn't at a young age with my mom because I was not with her. God is amazing! She is not just my mom but my best friend.. God does restore.

Kristin Stegent said...

Nancy...I have been quite busy and just wanted to come back and read this one...thanks for sharing this! I will share one of my best Christmas memories...

As a little girl, I had always dreamed of having our big two-story house lit up with Christmas lights. For years I asked and it never happened. My dad was very uninvolved in our lives and was very hands off. I was badly struggling with depression and an eating disorder as a senior in high school, and I guess my dad could tell something was not right with me. I drove home one evening to find our house beautifully lit, like I had always imagined, with Christmas lights. My dad never said it, but I knew he was trying to show me love and that that was the best way he could think of to do it. It was really sweet to me.

Love you Nancy!! :)